i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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