My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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