she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
