Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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