I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
