I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Randomize
