I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
