Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
