I puked a lego.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
