i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
