She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
