Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
