what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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