Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
