So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
