You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The Olympian is in my bed
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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