if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
