Will you blow on my dice?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
