Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
