Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
