He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
