Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
