Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
