I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
