I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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