Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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