You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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