Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
