why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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