I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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