I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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