I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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