Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
