Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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