We're facebook friends in real life
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she peed on how many people?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
