it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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