i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
