I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
