I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
