apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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