My hair reeks of homosexuality.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
