Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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