Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
