Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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