im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
