This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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