I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
