i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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