I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
