She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
