hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
